Monday, May 11, 2009

Nostalgia and beyond

So here I am sitting and thinking about how time ticked so fast. I would normally type bitter things here but right now, I feel low and all I can think of is the fact that we have gone a long way...

"I want to go back to the past", back to where my life used to be much simple and I didnt need too many people...

It felt like just yesterday, I entered college and met new friends. I fooled around, made my fair share of mistakes, laughed out loud and cried my heart out. I didnt know what was waiting for me or how I should live my college life, all I was looking forward to was to enjoy and enjoy and enjoy... I mean, I care about my studies but hey, let's have fun first. Yeah, that's how chipper I was back in the day.

It's 2009. I woke up. I felt sober. No one stopped me from having fun, I just stopped. I felt that time is up the essence and I'm meeting a deadline, a huge deadline. So I kept wondering what this is all about. I feel like I'm in a nutshell waiting for the day I go out on my own. Heh, I've grown. It's not something I should be surprised of, after all everyone expects that not only from me, but from every individual who is of legal age. My dad believes I'm a 12 year old kid and I couldnt do things on my own yet. I kept denying it and pursued my perceptions. However, I have come to realize that everything he said is true. After all, no one will ever know the real you but your parents. They were right all along. So learning from the misperceptions I had, I did what I had to do, unconsciously. I guess things like these just come off naturally and it may be hard for others to understand. Maybe they will sooner or later but I'm already in this phase where my age faces me to a new chapter.

I'm worried. The things I've learned and will learn might not be enough to pass me when I take the board exams. I'm worried. I maight not be capable of becoming a nurse. I'm worried. I might not get into medicine school. YES, I am paranoid as early as now. I know college is our preparatory but with the negligent teachers we have and the funny schedules we go with, I dont know if we have learned enough. (peace teachers!)

I had this talk with Dad when I was in Cebu for the holy week. For the first time, he took my opinions seriously and every conversation was purely matured. I felt glad. There's one thing that bothers me. He's 58 and in two years, he's on his retirement age. It would be the same year when I will graduate. (yes, we will graduate!!! ) I have to start preparing so I could finally make him breathe clearly (yeah, with all the hardworks our parents did for us, it will only be a matter of time before those hardworks will pay off) It was just like yesterday when I asked him what a nurse is and he taught me how to dream as he carries me on his back. It was one of the good old days and I cant help but be teary-eyed at how much we've grown; and a lot of us have grown apart too.

I want to be productive. I want to be better. I have to start working on it now. Time is ticking and I have to make the most out of it, learn everything I can not only for my parents but for my future. So I guess, I'm on this phase that I'm already planning out long term goals. I have every list waiting to be checked for accomplishment. You can say I'm pressured or I am too excited about everything. But like I said, I'm meeting a deadline. I will have fun too of course! I'm glad I have great friends who think the same way I do and understand what I'm going through. They are good influence and having them with me is already full of fun. I wouldnt trade them for anything else :) Speaking of friends, I just dont want to think of the upcoming reshuffle of students. I love the FUNK. I just wish whatever happens, we will still be "us" even though we'll go our separate lives.

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