Sunday, July 15, 2012

A Letter to my 15 Year Old Self

This tag has been circulating around the Zamboanga Bloggers Group for a while now. I know it's kind of late to do this tag but, oh well here it is.

Dear 15 year old Jen,

How does it feel being in a new school? I bet being in an all girls school is something new for you since you have been used to Co-Ed ever since you were young. Don't worry about it, hanging out with a bunch of chics will help you increase your self awareness.
I know right now things are difficult for you. You thought that migrating to another city is the best solution for everyone. I regret to tell you, it's not. Dad lost his campaign in his hometown. Because of that, it teared the whole family down. Mom have had enough so she decided to let you stay at your grand uncle's home while she's back in Zamboanga. During this time, I know you're on your own. Jen, I know how stubborn you are. You think that you can have things your way. You thought that your grand uncle and your relatives would submit to the things you are used to. Well, they wouldn't. Though they are your relatives, that is not your home. You are not a princess anymore. You left your friends back home. You have a lot of things to learn. You will be forced to grow early and make decisions that are too big for you. Don't worry, you will soon realize that you don't have to go through all those alone. In school, you will meet different personalities that are unfamiliar to you. This is the time you start to struggle with trust. You don't know who you should believe nor rely on. You didn't want anyone to know the real you. You were too ashamed to admit you're lost. So you lied, and lied, and lied. Your classmates started to judge you and made fun of you. The two best friends you thought you can rely on would turn their backs on you so don't get yourself attached because you won't be able to forget. Don't worry about it, you will still be able to find a true friend in your class. Remember Sharmila? The one you used to have difficulty figuring out? You will still find yourself hanging out with her 7 years from now.
I know that you're thinking of going back to where you were from. Go ahead. You are still too young to be on your own and you have to accept that age pays a high price for maturity. Your parents are back together again but don't expect the trials end there. You will meet your first boyfriend when you come back home. Don't expect him to be the last because he's not. I'm sorry to tell you that it's going to be a unhealthy relationship. Every fight will lead to violence. No, Jen, it's not normal. No, you can't change him. No, you can never live according to his standards. You will be choked because people expect you to be perfect at all times. You should understand, you're only human. Around 2007, you will surely meet someone who would help you open your eyes to a lot of things. This person would make you feel certain things that can't be explained. You will surely ask yourself why. That question will remain in you for the years to come. I wish I could tell you the answer to your questions but up to this day, I still haven't figured it out yet. Until then, you will just have to be patient. Follow your dreams. College is full of fun, too. So live it up while you can because things will get serious when your done with school. Peter will be there for you aside from your parents. Study hard, okay? Your friends that you fought with when you were in high school and those people that you had confrontations with back in college, they would underestimate you. So expect them to belittle you, judge you, call you dumb and insult your school. Don't worry about them, you will eventually prove them wrong when you finally become a registered nurse and when you go to med school while they're too busy wasting their college courses over irrelevant jobs for the sake of money. So, smile and be thankful that despite the problems that you will face along the way, you still have your dream. You still have the chance to build your future. Wheb you're finally in med school, things will start to change. You will learn independence. You will learn to leave home. You and your parents thought you won't make it on your own. Congrats, Jen, you just did because I'm writing this letter inside the room that I'm renting near school. You would be able to move to your new home as soon as it's done so be patient. Above all, stay humble. You may be feeling sorry at others who used to degrade you but remember that you are all created equally. One day, you would be able to appreciate them as they are. The most important thing is to keep the flame burning. You have this strong desire to become a physician someday. Believe in yourself and have faith that God is with you at all times. Stay positive, Jen.

Love,
Your 22 year old self

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