Saturday, October 18, 2008

shiny plastics

people are becoming fakers nowadays. it's amazing how they can instantly ruin other's perception toward you but all i know is such people just don't have anything to do with their lives anymore because it's plain too boring. now i wouldn't wonder why they're called pyschotic royalty.

i thought summer was the best event that's happened for this year, i was wrong. whatever i did back there, that wasn't me. that's not the real Jenny. i was so caught up in being single and free and i totally forgot my limitations. I screwed up bigtime but at least i've learned a valuable lesson from it.

i remembered josef asking me why do i value friends too much. he frankly told me that he doesn't like some of my friends because of their attitudes. i never listened to him. i dont know why though. maybe it's because he doesn't know them well like i do and some of them, he hasn't even met.

i have to admit, i have some pretty retarded friends, but i accepted them for it. they have too much flaws but i didn't care because what mattered for me was the friendship and memories we shared. i don't choose friends, i trust and forgive too much, i care a lot, and i think that's probably the dumbest part of me.

there's this girl that i met back in junior high school which i liked hanging out with. i have to admit, i was young and i was striving for a new identity that time. i wanted to change who i was because i act too matured back in my old school. i was a bit overacting for some time, probably because i'm pressured by my new classmates. so the outcome wasn't nice and some girls didn't like me. i got into a fight but it ended and everyone was at peace again. i found a group of friends that i hangout with almost everyday and as the school year passed, i became more comfortable with myself and started opening up. more people came to like me and everyone became my real friend. i know when a person is lying, that's probably what i'm capable of and so far, there's one person who remained a plastic all throughout these years.

well a lot of people never really liked her even though we have finally graduated from high school. it was probably because of her mean look , her strong personality and frank mouth.
she always say she doesn't care but she goes around wrecking other people, even her own best friend.

i knew she doesn't like me because she thinks i'm too over acting but she wouldn't give me a chance to prove her wrong. so i let things be the way they were. though we lived our seperate lives now, i still visit them during the sembreaks, holidays and vacations. i dont mind spending too much to treat them, it doesnt matter. friends are friends, or that's what i thought before.

one of my best friends in cebu hurted me just because of some misunderstanding and used a lot of foul words just to consume me and it got really worst. im not really the type of person who would engage in hurting other people below the belt because i find it nonsense. if there's anything i need to bitch about, it's the mistake and reason for the intention. i had to forgive her, she's my friend. so everything became okey, finally.

the other one, the mean and frank girl, i thought we were finally okey. she told me she's changed and what happened in the past, stays in the past.

until recently, a gay friend of mine told me they have been talking about me and from the stories i found out, it made me realize that she was nothing but a fake.

i dont know why she would say such things about me and knowing for the fact that most of her stories were inconsistent. why can't she tell it straight through my face?

i know that josel hates it when he needs friends and if they're not there for him, he becomes too emotional and jealous that he ends up whining and complaining. it would even come to a point where he exagges his criticisms about them. what do i expect from him? he's gay. Still he needs them to be by him. he has a condition of being hyperactive and because of his depression, i have to understand and be there for him. so he, backstabbing me, is something we are already used to. on the other hand, this so-called friend of mine contributed to the stories and what's painful is that she doesn't know the whole issue. she just based it depending on the stories she heard from our other friend.

i came to understand that the very reason wh she does that to other people is because she's not secured of her self and that's a form of a defensive displacement response so that people won't get to judge her, so she judges them before they do. She makes sure she is above others and she thinks she's right all the time. if she was a real friend, she would never destroy any of her friend's reputation. instead, she will fight for them and defend them.

if she really is straight forward, frank, honest and confident, why would she bother backstabbing and keeping grudges against others when she can tell them frankly? that's basically because she is a hypocrite and a superrr shiny plastic. i'm sorry if it sounds too offensive but that's how she made an impression and my opinion about her will stay the same unless of course she gets to prove me wrong. but nevermind, i don't plan on taking another chance with her anymore so it's too late and case is closed. I deleted her in my friendster and messenger. i threw everything away, our friendship, our memories. i know i don't need her to help my life become colorful. she's finally extinct. she's nothing but history.

i'm very much disappointed and now i came to realize, she's too much of a backstabber to have real friends. i shouldn't waste my time on her. she made me realize something significant though, learn to be precautious in choosing who you should trust.

i have better friends in cebu. one is sharmila. she has always been there. she doesn't need to backstab people because she's too frank and i admire her for that. we never fought ever since we graduated from high school. now tell me, who are you to say a lot of my friends are plastic? it is just you who says it because you can't accept the fact that i keep getting in your way.

i have so much friends here and they care too much for me, that's something i should be really thankful of. i shouldn't feel sad letting her go because i know there are more interesting people that will come my way.

to sum it up, i know that I'm better than her nor anyone else who tries to break me apart. they don't know me that well so they can never judge me. what the hell, i'm still standing! they thought they cold make a huge impact on me but they don't exist in my world. a lot of people know the real me and they like me for who i am. i should not be compelled to change myself for such backstabbers because basically, i'm not living my life according to their rules but mine alone.


it's been a long time since i last updated my blog. a lot of great things have happened and basically, everything is falling to their right places. hooray! :D

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