Sunday, September 27, 2009

I should have...

...listened to what my mother said

...never forgiven more than what was required

...accepted the fact that some things never change

...controlled my feelings

...never gave out all of my trust

...used my brain

This is the last of everything. I promise.

Friday, August 21, 2009

New Lesson Learned: Stop Being Late

So okay, everyone basically knows that I always have problems about getting on time... I can't help it, I'm slow with preparations and on top of that, I'm definitely not a morning person to begin with :(

I was so psyched about the whole Extemporaneous Speech Competition thing. Our English professor chose me to represent my class to compete with other English classes. It wasn't a big deal to me if I win or not but I just wanted it to be substantial since this is my grade we're talking about! So today, the Speech Competition was held at the Brebeuf gym and it started at 1:00pm.... I arrived at 1:50pm (yeah I know, I shouldn't have entered right?) *sniff *sniff

I'm 50 minutes late and I got disqualified for it... Null... Void... Zero... BOKYA (ouch ma!)

Along with that, I was also included for the interclass debate along with my two other classmates. We also had a Choral Speech competition on that very same day of the Extemporaneous Speech competion. It is where the class has to memorize a loooong poem and act them out as a whole and of course I have to be there. (It's a tiring thing to memorize such freakin' piece, hello?!) Thing is, I asked my professor to excuse me from it since I will be joining the Extempo Speech thingy anyway and he agreed. How embarrassing it would be for me and shameful to him when he finds out that I got disqualified!!! T_T

What's humiliating was when I came in with my business attire (I read the mechanics and we were strictly required to wear business attire!) and all the other contestants looked very casual, all of them were male except for me and this other girl! So I looked really sophisticated and everything, it has drawn a lot of attention from the audience which just added an extra embarrassment to me. Imagine, "Wow she looked so prepped up for this, I wouldn't wonder why she's late" Oh yeah, how cool is that?

Reason for my tardiness? I came home for lunch at 12:00pm with Josef and I just spent my time enjoying the food that I forgot it was almost 1:00pm and I had to wash tons of dishes after that and take a shower from all the glitters and stain that I got from my classmates' props. Ha wow... No matter how I would try to see it, I'm still late. Period.

So I guess, that was a lesson learned for me since I'm always late on the first period which I know is a bad habit and I really need to work out on that. My English professor never dropped me for my frequent tardiness since I'm included on the Extempo Speech thing. This time around, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't think twice anymore of dropping me from his class so I gotta make sure that I won't be late again just so I can save my ass from this subject =/

Anywayyy, I'm glad that among 15 classes that competed, our class got through the elimination round of Choral Speech Competition!!! Well, we're finally included in the Finals and there's five other classes that we have to compete with to win the Championship. The props were so wicked! Jay-r's choreography was amazing and yes I'm definitely proud of our class (though I didn't join LOL) but hey, I was always there whenever they practice. Haha :D

What made me feel better was the fact that my classmates and friends were there to watch and support me. It made me feel really guilty because they were there just to see me get disqualified but I was surprised that they comforted me all throughout the whole afternoon though I'm not that close to them yet since we were reshuffled and and we are still new to each other. So it got me closer to them which made me glad. The others, though they were late, they still came to see us. It was very comforting, really. I felt so adored by everyone :) They even came with me to watch a DVD movie and we all chilled at Josef's house the whole afternoon; and to think, we still have two exams to get through with tomorrow!!! LOL
Eating, laughing, watching movie and chatting were basically the highlight of my day! Awww... I'm so thankful :)

I can't wait to hang out with my friends again tomorrow! Oh, and tomorrow is the last day of midterms! Woot! Woot! It's gonna be Iryn's 18th birthday party and after that, me and the gang are going finish off the evening with some fun drinking! LOL XD This is gonna be fun, hopefully :D

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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

missing out...

Damn.... I wonder how much can I handle.. School is freaking me out and work seems to stress everything >.< Everyone's been getting sick and I'm lucky because I'm far :)

I'm missing out on everythingggg. I havent talked to a handful of people ever since I hit junior year and I dont know if that's still normal. I wish time would tick really fast so I can finally finish this shit and get back to things I normally do... So okay fine, here we go again with the ranting. Well this is parrt of life and I guess no matter how hard I will complain here, this wouldnt make a difference, I'm still swamped in school >.<

I miss my Dad, I havent talked to him in weeks! I miss the Funkerz, I wonder what theyre up to now. I miss my best friends, we barely see each other anymore. Damn, I miss my effin' social life! I cant seem to enjoy it whenever there's a chance because my mind is at school.

Midterms are on their way to haunt us so this is gonna be really stressful as the days progress.. If there's anything I'd like to say to that:

asjkdpeigperjge[ti4kt!!!! fuck that x2! @_@
yeah I apologize for the harsh words. LOL I can't help it.

I definitely need Florence Nightingale so enlighten my mind. Hahahaha xD shet. I'm losing it.


Sunday, July 12, 2009

As of the Latest..

Well I havent had the time to get back to this blog and type my silly rants but for the record, work has been stressing me out and school is basically killing me =/ I havent adjusted well yet and tests always leave me blank. Damn >.<

This is harder than I thought... "Never give up, never surrender"

Shieeet. This means double focus. Yosh!!!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Nostalgia and beyond

So here I am sitting and thinking about how time ticked so fast. I would normally type bitter things here but right now, I feel low and all I can think of is the fact that we have gone a long way...

"I want to go back to the past", back to where my life used to be much simple and I didnt need too many people...

It felt like just yesterday, I entered college and met new friends. I fooled around, made my fair share of mistakes, laughed out loud and cried my heart out. I didnt know what was waiting for me or how I should live my college life, all I was looking forward to was to enjoy and enjoy and enjoy... I mean, I care about my studies but hey, let's have fun first. Yeah, that's how chipper I was back in the day.

It's 2009. I woke up. I felt sober. No one stopped me from having fun, I just stopped. I felt that time is up the essence and I'm meeting a deadline, a huge deadline. So I kept wondering what this is all about. I feel like I'm in a nutshell waiting for the day I go out on my own. Heh, I've grown. It's not something I should be surprised of, after all everyone expects that not only from me, but from every individual who is of legal age. My dad believes I'm a 12 year old kid and I couldnt do things on my own yet. I kept denying it and pursued my perceptions. However, I have come to realize that everything he said is true. After all, no one will ever know the real you but your parents. They were right all along. So learning from the misperceptions I had, I did what I had to do, unconsciously. I guess things like these just come off naturally and it may be hard for others to understand. Maybe they will sooner or later but I'm already in this phase where my age faces me to a new chapter.

I'm worried. The things I've learned and will learn might not be enough to pass me when I take the board exams. I'm worried. I maight not be capable of becoming a nurse. I'm worried. I might not get into medicine school. YES, I am paranoid as early as now. I know college is our preparatory but with the negligent teachers we have and the funny schedules we go with, I dont know if we have learned enough. (peace teachers!)

I had this talk with Dad when I was in Cebu for the holy week. For the first time, he took my opinions seriously and every conversation was purely matured. I felt glad. There's one thing that bothers me. He's 58 and in two years, he's on his retirement age. It would be the same year when I will graduate. (yes, we will graduate!!! ) I have to start preparing so I could finally make him breathe clearly (yeah, with all the hardworks our parents did for us, it will only be a matter of time before those hardworks will pay off) It was just like yesterday when I asked him what a nurse is and he taught me how to dream as he carries me on his back. It was one of the good old days and I cant help but be teary-eyed at how much we've grown; and a lot of us have grown apart too.

I want to be productive. I want to be better. I have to start working on it now. Time is ticking and I have to make the most out of it, learn everything I can not only for my parents but for my future. So I guess, I'm on this phase that I'm already planning out long term goals. I have every list waiting to be checked for accomplishment. You can say I'm pressured or I am too excited about everything. But like I said, I'm meeting a deadline. I will have fun too of course! I'm glad I have great friends who think the same way I do and understand what I'm going through. They are good influence and having them with me is already full of fun. I wouldnt trade them for anything else :) Speaking of friends, I just dont want to think of the upcoming reshuffle of students. I love the FUNK. I just wish whatever happens, we will still be "us" even though we'll go our separate lives.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Nagging Mothers

a while ago, I came down from stairs and took something from the fridge and ate it. I went next to mom and watched a TV. The food pieces fell and I bent down to pick them up until mother started acting weird all of a sudden and started bitching at me and I don’t know what the hell she was talking about or what I did wrong to make her mad but she started cursing me and telling me things like she regrets being my mother because I didn’t even serve her well or treated her as one and I was like what the fuck is she talking about and she said starting from now, she would stop caring and we'll do things our own way. She doesn’t want to talk to me and she warned me that she doesn’t want to see my face and that I shouldn’t get in her way. Though this isn't so mean as it sounds like and I should just let it pass like any other day, this thing just got into my head and the things she said wouldn’t go away. There was something in there that made me feel she has grown tired of her life being a mother. I don’t know what I should do, really. I don’t know what she's expecting of me. I know I'm such a lazy ass all the time but that doesn't mean that I dont move and do the things she ordered me to and she keeps bitching at me since I wait to be told what to do before I start to move but I didn't realize it would come to a point like this; To the point of making me feel like I'm about to be disowned or something. One thing is certain; this is going to be harder for me since we're living in the same roof. She thinks I don't give a damn about her when in fact, it was never that way. I really want to talk back and explain myself and correct her judgements... But I can’t and I don’t know why. Or maybe I don’t have the courage. Dad called me up a while ago and I tried to keep cool but he noticed something was wrong. I wanted to tell him everything but that would just make the situation worst. Now I have no idea what to do since this is not going to work out well between her and I anymore. I don’t want to cause dad burden either. I’m just trying to suck it all up but still i can’t stop crying. Damn it >.<, I’m going to be alright. All I need to do is figure this out on my own and decide whether I should move out or not though it might sound impossible since Dad wouldn't permit but mom and I know that this has to be an option. I want to prove them wrong, that I could make it on my own. I will go and think these things over.

Monday, February 16, 2009


So do you really think you know yourself?

I have been analyzing people's behaviors and actions and I have learned a lot from them. At first I thought it was a great skill and I could make use if it. It has helped me handle people, pressures and confrontations well.

There were disadvantages that I haven't realized until lately.

I know things I should have never learned. I'm hearing things I shouldn't.

There are things that are better left unsaid, it's funny how they can make you go insane because what you want to know might be fatal for you.

Also, despite the keen observations I have done on people, I thought I knew when it is to trust them and when it is not.

However, I failed to realize that our personality has four quadrants.
The first quadrant is the obvious one. It is what people know about you and what you know about yourself.

The second quadrant is what you know about you but others don't.

The third quadrant is what other's know about you, but you don't.

Lastly, the fourth quadrant is what you don't know about yourself and neither do others.

I believe that the last quadrant is what makes people unpredictable. You'll never know what they are capable of unless they are stimulated. That is basically why ironically, you cannot trust anyone and you can only depend on no one else by yourself. At the end of the day, all you have is you to survive.

Find your inner self and learn your capabilities even if it means pushing your limits. Don't be afraid of mistakes. After all, we learn from our mistakes so let's keep doing them.

A Dirty Revelation

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So I have decided to delete this entry for the sake of giving respect to the people involved here. We never meant for anything like this to happen but I'm glad this issue is over. We've talked things out and I hope things will get better and everone can finally move on with their lives...

To anyone who happened to read this entry and is connected to the characters involved here, I mean no intentions to harm, embarrass nor destroy their reputations. All of us our entitled to express our opinions. All of the contents were not altered nor fabricated in any way. No names were mentioned either. You can criticize me or whatever you want to say but my opinions and feelings are mine alone and I will stand up for it no matter what and basically this is why there's Blogspot. Peace out!

I have realized that no matter how eager you are to know the truth, just make sure you can handle it. If you want to raise a question, think first if you really want to know the answers. There are things that are better left unsaid, it's funny how they can make you go insane because what you want to know might be fatal for you.

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