Saturday, April 26, 2008

dissapointed

i typed this blog last april 17, 2008 but it completely went wacko so i deleted my post.
this was way back when i was still in Cebu. this happened before my experience on "best friends or best enemies?" just thought i'd let you know so you wont get confused.

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okey so now i'm here in Cebu City spending my summer vacation instead of attending my summer classes in Zamboanga. I'm so dissapointed of how things turned out. I should have transferred but i refused. I mean changing schools and the place where i lived had always been my plan ever since because i hated Zamboanga, it's a shit hole. I hated everyone (that excludes my friends of course). It was what Ciara and I always thought of. Now i'm here in Cebu, it just doesnt feel right. I dont know why. Something or someone is pulling me back. I was already at Cebu Doctor's University. I got in. There was a condition though, I had to repeat the major subject because that's their standard and if i go for it, my status will remain as first year student. I didn't really care though. I only made it a big deal so i would have an option whether to transfer or not. I just dont know why. So mom wanted me to try San Carlos University. I went there. The dean wasnt around and i have to wait for two weeks before she comes back and evaluate my grades. They didnt have their major subject yet and that automatically means I'm in. However, i told my dad i'm bone tired from all the waiting and shit so he told me not to transfer and just bear with all the people until i graduate. This is mind-buggling and i'm so fucked up in this situation! Until now i still can't decide what to do with my life, whether i should transfer or not but like, what the fuck??? I don't know if i'm making the right move or not. geeeez! all i ever wanted was to move away, far away and start all over again but there's a part of me that say's a should stay. so right now i'm all cynical and i definitely need a grip before i lose everything. it's now or never. THINK JENNY! THINK!!! this life is a bitch. i need to get over this as soon as i can because right now, everything depends on me. fuck this shit, i need a break! :[

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